Chapter 1: Welcome to Planet Psychotherapy: The Story of an Experiment

Big M and the Chamber Crew

When Big M and the Chamber Crew realised that their people were not happy, they figured they needed to do something about it. Getting the place working again was what they knew best. They reckoned this was the way to reduce the heat. Hadn’t been done for twenty years, but things don’t change that much. Mind you, couldn’t be done without a bit of brass to oil the wheels. Inward investment – clearly necessary.

Scotty was looking good for a sub but the Naïve Banker was pushing for more than a few new fast food joints. Smoke and mirrors, how were the Crew gonna pull this one off? The Naïve Banker’s into happiness. Thinks that working people are happy people. Or maybe happy people are working people. Now that was something the Crew could really get off on. Happy people are profitable people. Growth, prestige, profit. Obvious really.

The Crew got to work. Work, that they could handle. Deals, development, drive-ins. No problem. Happiness? How the hell they gonna do that? No happiness, no deal. Scotty and the Banker holding out. Can you buy happiness? Big M thought you could. Money can buy you anything, give you leisure, golf, wives, the usual stuff. Surely happiness is just another commodity.

The Naïve Banker thinks that we don’t spend enough cash on happiness. Small guy, but knows a thing or two. Well connected. Must be something in it. Big M goes over. No Dice. The Chamber Crew think again. This is a world they can’t understand. Reaper, the Capital city see. Weird place – all theatres and different languages. Chatter.

The Chamber Crew know work. They know honest toil. They know place. Hierarchy, worth, respect. You’d think it would be enough. Big M decides a way to unlock Scotty’s purse. They need ‘Planet Psychotherapy’.

Psychotherapy? The Crew thinks Big M must need it. Too much time in the capital, Big M, warm ale will see you right. No. Big M sees the total picture. If the Crew want Scotty’s millions they gotta talk the talk. Maybe even walk the walk. Maybe. The Naïve Banker’s the key but the Old Cockney’s the fixer.

More smoke and mirrors. The Cockney knows deals. Big M knows deals. This they understand. This they can do. Handshakes, long eye contact, done. The Cockney will get the Crew into Planet Psychotherapy. Rarefied air, smell of library, musty books. But he can do it. Contacts, reliable, not too much trouble. Will be done. The Cockney walks away, smile and tight eyes. Fun, he likes this. We’ll have a laugh here.

So when Big M and the Chamber Crew realised they had a problem they also found out they needed Planet Psychotherapy. That’s where the Exile came in. When Big M and the Chamber Crew met the Exile they figured the deal was easy. Sure, but the Old Cockney tells it like it is. Work equals happiness. Happiness equals work. Need the Planet to provide the glue. The attraction. Make work stick to happiness. Happiness stick to work. The Naïve Banker gives the nod. Scotty unlocks his case. Money flows. Now they are in business.

The Exile? He feels the heat. Hates the cold. Worked it out. Do the deal, make the eyes, shake the palm. Now have fun. Big sandpit here, stretch out, touch the sun, security.

Hi Big M and the Chamber Crew.

Welcome to Planet Psychotherapy.

Do come in.

What Big M and the Chamber Crew don’t realise is that the Exile is the Keeper, the most radical bastard on Planet Psychotherapy. By a long way.